to

re
ass
em
ble

it.


you were the only exception.
but now i'm falling apart and i don't know what to do
because the ache spreads
like a ripple across a river.

every night i go through a routine of crying
and trying to make sense of thoughts
by writing rubbish poetry.

it never works,
oh why oh why do all good things seem to


disintegrate.

you're the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart.




something's happened
and i'm not quite sure what it is.
i think people call it
time
and change.
the kind that sneaks up when you least expect it
until you realise one day that
the scene surrounding you
is unrecognisable when compared
to the act that came before.

i miss your kiss, i miss you.

why am i such an idiot? i hope i haven't ruined the best thing that's happened to me for a very long time. let's welcome long, sleepless nights with open arms and cry for our stupidity.

i just went through almost 500 deviations. there are 22 left, which are all big chunks of writing.
i don't want to ruin them by reading them in a hurry, so i'll look at them later.


let me sit in big t-shirts and not much else, listen to the cardigans and wait for cigarettes that i shouldn't be smoking. why bother getting dressed when the only person whose opinion matters is miles and miles away across oceans and land and jungles? i don't think i'd ever get out of bed if you weren't coming back.

is a long time.
then, another two weeks after that.

and i'm feeling paranoid and sad
and worried worried worried
pleasebeok.
please get in touch soon.